5 Overused Points You Should Never Include In Your DJ / Musician Bio
(because they make you look like a douche-bag)
Here’s some pet peeves that I come across when I’m reading DJ bios. Take note of these; they can really make or break how you present auew∂self.
5. “Inspired by…”
Wrong: “Inspired by Ryan Seacrest and Yanni : Live at the Acropolis”
WHO THE !@#!ing CARES?! Dropping artist names to fluff up your bio, especially if you’re only inspired by them, serve you ZERO purpose. Except maybe let on that you’re a gigantic poser that has a huge MP3 collection.
If you’re going to drop names, drop names of people you have actually worked with. Being the water boy does not count; bong technician, maybe.
Warming up for a big act also scores points.
4. “Have been to…”
Wrong: “Went to the Winter Music Conference to see Tiesto.”
Going someplace, or attending some event is not the same as having played or organized an event. Again, alludes to the possibility that you’re a poser douche-bag.
Include events that you helped to put together. Communicating to your audience about how you contribute to the scene is WAY more impressive than being a backseat sheep attendee.
Also include places that you’ve played at - include two to three gigs that REALLY matter in the main bio. You can put your full list of formal appearances on another sheet.
3. “Sounds like…”
Wrong: “His mixing style is like Grooverider and Roger Sanchez COMBINED!”
*Shrug* Like a prison bitch cokehead.
You can’t TELL anyone what you sound like. Let them HEAR you. Let them SEE you. But please… PLEASE don’t TELL them.
Jacking up people’s expectations verbally, without demonstration, is a sure-fire way to have an audience clear the floor after you drop poo-poo onto the platter. Demonstrating through audio and video help with managing the expectations of the people you are performing for.
Why do you think we ask for mixes all the time?
2. “You will be amazed…” ” You will be impressed…” “You will not be disappointed when he steps to the decks…” etc etc.
Wrong : “When he is tearing up the wheels you never know what sound is right around the corner, with the element of surprise being his niche he will keep you moving and wondering what’s next.” (this was from a real bio)
The more you tell me that I will like you, the more you tell me that you’re full of shit. Why are you rationalizing for me? Why are you boring? Why should I care in the first place. Please f**k off.
You can change all of this by including testimonials from OTHER people and what THEY thought about your mix. It holds way more credibility and it doesnt make you out to be some hopeless ego-case.
Finally…
1. “He’s a Child Prodigy…”
Wrong: “He’s been mixing since the tender itty-witty age of 15…”
Awww… he’s so young. So precious.
MOZART was a CHILD PRODIGY. Unless you were !@#!@ing scratching at the age of 3 and writing anthems for Tiesto at 5, you are NOT a Child Prodigy.
If you’re adding this point just to say how long you’ve been doing it, then it’s only going to point out how long you’ve been struggling to create an impact.
If you’ve been mixing since you were 15 and you got your 1st gig when you were 27 - and you still think you’re a child prodigy. Then you are a douche.
But with that said. Child prodigies DO exist:
—
So keep a look out for these points in any bios and press packs that you might be recieving in the future. Promoters and A&R people are trained to spot these kinds of embellishments, leaving your demo and bio in the rejected bin.
Create a truly unique, stand-out bio that demonstrates your accolades in a non-pretentious, douchebag way - I guarantee that you’ll be creating much more of an impact with your audience and potential jobs.
Goodluck!
manwe wrote:
LOL. Expertly written in true John Kuan Style.
Posted on 03-Mar-08 at 9:21 pm | Permalink
No.4 wrote:
The Chairman tells you to shove it in the best way possible. Bat that Ego out of the freaking park!!
Posted on 03-Mar-08 at 9:59 pm | Permalink
Tubby wrote:
Am i a douchebag?
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 1:59 am | Permalink
Chairman Kuan wrote:
Haha - ooops Tubby. No your not. This article wasn’t directed at any particular person working with us. (More to some un-named shitty Swedish trance fucker) But maybe it’d be a good idea to get your bio guy to rework your bio a bit. Always good for improvement
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 2:05 am | Permalink
samlaleo wrote:
guilty as hell…truly a great fucking read and a wake up call
“sob running towards mum to complain…john said i am a douche bag “
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 2:18 am | Permalink
Tubby wrote:
ahahahahahaha the bio guy u talkin bout is actually my girlfriend yo…..hahahahahahahaha she gonna kick me in the sack when i tell her her shit aint good enough!!!! Nice one man!
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 2:26 am | Permalink
Chairman Kuan wrote:
OK OK - everyone is freaking out
I did NOT expect this.
Alright guys. In the next few days, I’ll show you how to write a killer bio
that will make people shiver in glee.
GLEE MUFAHKA!
GLEEE!!!
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 3:23 am | Permalink
thesuperglo wrote:
my bio ?
http://www.foundationkl.org/catergory/music/psygoa/
muahaha.
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 3:29 am | Permalink
thesuperglo wrote:
ok wtf.
wrong link
http://www.foundationkl.org/catergory/mixes/psygoa/
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 3:30 am | Permalink
Chairman Kuan wrote:
Still wrong link.
LMAO. Douche.
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 4:02 am | Permalink
thesuperglo wrote:
#$%#^
http://www.foundationkl.org/category/mixes/psygoa/
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 4:07 am | Permalink
EJ wrote:
john. write for me. pls. preety pls.
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 7:00 am | Permalink
radzy wrote:
write for me oso
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 7:32 am | Permalink
Kamo wrote:
me oso
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 8:47 am | Permalink
Tubby wrote:
Haiya me oso la!
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 9:37 am | Permalink
DK wrote:
words of wisdom from none other than the chairman! nice one bro.
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 10:02 am | Permalink
Chairman Kuan wrote:
RM250 per bio (1+1 pages - approx 500 words + accolade arrangement). Bio and package distribution is another RM480 on top of that. Our staff photographer, Amy will quote you separately. Please send requests to my email. kthnksbye.
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 10:24 am | Permalink
SiriuS BreaK wrote:
Hrmmmm….reworking my page now. I don’t even know WTF I have as my Bio at this point.
And good going JK. Your wording and genius is unmatched and apparently, worth paying for. If I wasn’t such a pain in the ass, need to learn everything I can, perfectionist, I’d probably employ you for this task as well.
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 3:13 pm | Permalink
SiriuS BreaK wrote:
BTW…..Does getting your 1st gig at the age of 17 after starting at 16 count as a child prodigy??? Or teenage prodigy??? =P J/K, I’m no prodigy. But I DID land my 1st gig out at 17. God I sucked….
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 6:26 pm | Permalink
thesuperglo wrote:
“banging out beats on lego blocks at the tender age of 2, thesuperglo brings his psychosonic, psychedelic, supersonic beats which WILL BLOW YOUR MIND AND LEAVE YOU BEGGING FOR MORE. Come and join the dancing, trancing beautiful people that his gigs attract”
hey … i can write bios too !
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 8:24 pm | Permalink
Chairman Kuan wrote:
glo: I want to cry.
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 11:03 pm | Permalink
No.4 wrote:
LOL
Posted on 04-Mar-08 at 11:25 pm | Permalink
radzy wrote:
i oso wan “WILL BLOW YOUR MIND AND LEAVE YOU BEGGING FOR MORE” tq come again.
Posted on 05-Mar-08 at 1:13 am | Permalink
radzy wrote:
i oso want “WILL BLOW YOUR MIND AND LEAVE YOU BEGGING FOR MORE” thanku comeagain.
Posted on 05-Mar-08 at 1:14 am | Permalink
samlaleo wrote:
hahahaha..this is amazing
anyway John my bio also boleh kah?
Posted on 05-Mar-08 at 1:36 am | Permalink
leng wrote:
=.=” i’d like to have my bio rewritten, thanks
Posted on 05-Mar-08 at 6:55 am | Permalink
flush wrote:
hahaha! u guys got served!! jk style!
damn good read and its good to hear from u after sooo long john.
Posted on 06-Mar-08 at 4:58 am | Permalink
cbell j wrote:
rofl. This blogpost got 28 hilarious comments! and a GOOD wakeup call
Posted on 06-Mar-08 at 5:12 am | Permalink
Aiman wrote:
i am a douche.. but the japanese kids are well wicked!!
Posted on 06-Mar-08 at 5:32 pm | Permalink
samlaleo wrote:
hey john found this ,thought i’ll share
http://www.taxi.com/members/bios.html
Posted on 06-Mar-08 at 8:59 pm | Permalink
Chairman Kuan wrote:
Nice resource Sam - but that’s a very broad and very general outline. I think what we need is a guide that helps our artists to start walking before thinking about things like layouts and tone of voice.
But the generalities are there.
Before you can write a good bio. You gotta first know how to write.
Posted on 06-Mar-08 at 11:21 pm | Permalink